The festive period is in full swing, supposedly “The most wonderful time of the year”. If you work in the hospitality industry you’ll know that it is definitely the busiest and most stressful time of year, ‘December drinkers’ descend into your establishment and there are some colourful characters among them but we wouldn’t have it any other way. Whilst writing this we have a group of car mechanics on a staff do, Wham – Last Christmas is playing and one chap has turned to his friend and said “Who would have thought it, us lot drinking cocktails and listening to George Michael, Merry Christmas Lads” December is a brilliantly unique time to work in a bar.
Simply because we ‘know the feeling’ the Loft would like to help it’s fellow hospitality workers by offering them 15% off all products every sunday after a tough weekend, just bring a pay slip and you’ll get your discount!
The offer will of course start next Sunday 21st at The Loft’s Christmas Jumper Party, with live band The Normans. See you there!
Xmas Jumper Party
Continuing with the theme of loving our fellow hospitality brothers and sisters, and because our favourite thing to do after a shift is discuss how brilliantly bizarre and predictable serving the nation can be; I present to you:
The Loft Lounge Bar Staff Problems. (Disclosure: No offence is intended and all comments are meant in jest)
It’s busy – I can feel hundreds of eyes burning through me on my stage which is simply a bar station – waiting to be served, and you have no idea what drink you’d like? “Surprise me!” requires several questions and can be a fun game when the bar is quiet but when busy expect a pint of anti bacterial table cleaner!
Ordering A Stupidly Big Round One At A Time
As bar tenders we have the amazing ability to remember more than one drink at a time. My personal favourite moments are when customers order a rum and coke, then once you’ve made it they order, yep, a rum and coke. God forbid the same thing happening with cocktails!
Customers Rudely Butting In When You’re Serving Someone Else
Hold up mate, you can not be serious. Seriously just leave. I go to bed and have nightmares about this customer.
I’d rather not get fired, and don’t look at me with that ridiculous Mr Bean smile! If you worked in retail I wouldn’t come into the apple store and say “Chuck us a free iPad”.
Destroying A Full Meal At 4am Like It’s Normal
Sometimes I only get through a shift thinking about the greasy takeaway I’m having after. We might even decided to have a beer or four. Also when we split the tips from our 8 hour shift and manage to scrape together £1.99 we know with help from the bus voucher used to get to work we can afford a chicken sandwich and fries. Get in!
Complaining Of Boredom When The Place Is Dead And Not Being Able To Cope When Everyone Comes In At Once
Hours singing to myself renovating glasses wondering what value I add. Then the unexpected rush comes; hours of sweating and running around after drunk people who are always right, even when they are not. Its always one or the other!
Spending All Your Wages At Work
Having massive beer fear, what did I do last night? Knowing full well if you did not work there you would be barred. For Life.
“What Drinks Do You Sell?”
Hold on a minute, let me just recite the 400+ possibilities of what you could drink here, it’s not like there are people waiting. This is especially annoying with the variation of “What beers do you have?” Look with your eyes not your mouth!
You know the pair. Like mother bird feeding her chicks, you can’t quite work out whether they’re being affectionate, or whether someone should alert the authorities. They’re usually straddled over the barstool towards the end of the night and are practically having sex on the drip tray to Ed Sheeran – Thinking Out Loud.
Starting To Lose All Sense Of Time
During the shift I’m ready to fall asleep on the bouncer. As soon as I get home I’m up, alert, and there is only live casino on the telly.
How anybody could want alcohol ever, when your in a hangover is inconceivable. The look, the smell and the taste are close to pushing you over the edge.
Smashing A Glass And The Whole Bar Choruses ‘WHEYYYY’
The age old cliché. I’m well aware I’m a clumsy klutz thank you. I do quite enjoy my colleagues attempts to add to the whole charade some bow some even ‘WHEYYY’ themselves.
When The Customer Shouts ‘HOW MUCH?’ Like You Set The Prices.
You’ve just ordered 15 different drinks buddy, I’m a bartender, not a mathlete! Just give me the money and I’ll grab some change.
When Someone Holds Out Their Money And Leans Over The Bar So You’ll Serve Them First
This may just be me but I’m always like… NOBODY ELSE HAS MONEY, DO THEY? This also includes clicking, and waving us down. We are not a bus!
The Customer With The Ridiculous Order
It’s verging on last orders and you are in the zone. Cocktails are being made at light speed… “A coffee please”… Seriously.
They just ordered four double Belvedere & cranberry, a double Hendrick’s & tonic, plus the most expensive cocktail you sell. Then they want to complain to you about the cost, when you’re scraping £6.50 an hour to serve this clown. No you won’t need a mortgage to buy this round you little comedian.
Asking To Charge Their Phone Behind The Bar
Really people, you are in a bar, a hub of social activity. Why not try actually talking to somebody? Plus I lent my iPhone charge out and It never came back. You need a mortgage to buy those apple chargers! Now who is the comedian.
The Drunken Oaf Who Knocks Over A Full Drink Onto Your Clean Bar Top
Okay so we’ve all done it but it doesn’t stop it being so so annoying. Especially the helpful drunken oaf who is bringing his glasses over and drops one all over the clean bar. Thanks.
People Who Ask You To Make It Strong
This includes asking for less ice, tall glasses, or anything else. The same booze is going in mate. It’s probably the best way to get a bartender to slightly under pour your drink.
Ordering A Single Drink And Then Trying To Pay By Card.
Even with contact-less technology this is a horrible problem. There is a £5 limit sorry, and yes you’ll have to buy something else. I’ll just recite every crisp, nut and olive flavour we have, then you’ll find some cash. In addition there is always an awkward eternity waiting for the card machine to process.
Asking For Some Obscure Drink They Had Once But Can’t Really Remember
It has raspberry in it, but was yellow and I think it began with a ‘U’. Hmmm, I can’t help you sorry. I’ll just have a Vodka RedBull. Yep, thought so.
Ripping Up Stuff On The Bar Like They’re An Infant
Why do people deem this necessary? If you didn’t want the card receipt just bin it. Its also really unhelpful to put all the little bits in you glass. I’m just finding bits of black napkin everywhere!
Customers of the world, Take Note!
Almost Every Branded Pint Glass Is Either Too Wide, Too Tall, Or Too Stupid To Be Useful
If you sell Rekorderlig in your establishment you’ll know that those little buggers are far to tall and skinny, posing as the super models of the glass world, that once upside down in a glass tray they will try their best to just fall and smash in to tiny little pieces.
No need to go to a spa just put your face next to an open glass wash. However if you wear glasses like myself, you are in trouble, instantly they will steam up and you’ll look like the Cliché nerd.
Getting Trapped In A Heated Standoff When 2 People Are Arguing Over Who’s Paying For The Round
I have a lovely old fashioned and sexist tip for bartenders. Take the guys money. But if two big, angry bald men are both shoving a £50 note in your face, insisting on paying what do you do? Lamely suggest rock, paper, scissors! It’s a very similar situation to…
A bar tender sees no evil, hears no evil, but he or she will definitely share your evil. Nothing is more awkward than trying to give 45p back to a gentleman in a blazing row because Jemma sent nudes to his best mate Ricky.
The University Student Prankster
Before you take 50 straws for one drink think; do I need these straws or am I being a massive arse?
Glasses In The Toilets After You’ve Cleaned The Glass Wash
“Is there anymore glasses?” has been shouted during close probably four times. You spend 10 minutes cleaning the glass wash then boom. Charlie brings down 15 glasses from the upstairs toilet. Errrgh.
I Enjoy Listening To The Same Playlist Every Friday And Saturday Night
Said no bartender ever. You may keep requesting Miley Cyrus, Clean Bandit and Uptown Funk but you are stuck with R Kelly, okay! I’m a bartender not a DJ.
The Moment You Accidentally Make Eye Contact With A Waiting Customer While Serving
Are You Coming Out Saturday For My Birthday?
I’d love to. Honesty I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my saturday. Unfortunately I need 15 years notice and to sacrifice four fingers to get a saturday off. Sorry.
You may think you look suave, smooth and sexy in your short dress or roll neck and blazer. However the reality is you look like a knock off Lindsey Lohan or Ron Burgundy. You are dribbling and wide eyed and it’s the same every week!
However, I’ve worked in the industry for several years now, have made unbreakable friendships and unforgettable memories. The massive irony is that bartenders will be guilty of all of the above sins and most probably will be ten times worse on their next day off. I’d say a high percentage of the nation has had their time behind a bar at some point so how about a cheeky share of this blog.
Don’t forget your 15% discount on Sundays to come and share your horror stories. See you at the Christmas Jumper Party.
Blog By Connor.